


Our Regrets, Our Hopes

by feelsandbooksandshit



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Your Turn to Die, F/F, Kimi ga Shine | Your Turn To Die Chapter 1 Spoilers, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelsandbooksandshit/pseuds/feelsandbooksandshit
Summary: [The feeling of chaos in the air is so thick, it feels like it's about to suffocate all of us. The rest of the participants are merely bystanders. They have no words, no grasp, all they can do is wait for a breakthrough. It falls to me. It always seems to fall to me.]Your Turn to Die Chapter 1 Part 2 ending rewritten, but with original characters.
Relationships: Danil Bayot/Leigh Carter, Sage Cameron/Charlie Namjilyn
Kudos: 3





	Our Regrets, Our Hopes

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the pain train starring Cal and Ver.  
> There's no happy ending, sorry bro.  
> If anyone else except us is reading this, these are our original characters in an Your Turn to Die AU. (Spoilers for Chapter 1 Part 2)

The feeling of chaos in the air is so thick, it feels like it's about to suffocate all of us. The rest of the participants are merely bystanders. They have no words, no grasp, all they can do is wait for a breakthrough. It falls to me. It always seems to fall to me. Danil stares tensely at Sofie, a fierce look on his face. After a few moments of glaring, he points his eyes at the floor, and I see the slick sweat on his forehead. Mikey watches Sofie with a smug, taunting look on his face. The girl herself doesn't acknowledge anyone. The urge to call her out, to reach out to Danil, to shout at Mikey, they all fill me, but there's no time. There's an odd feeling tugging at my brain, I have to figure out why this all sounds so wrong. I have to get everything sorted out before we all die.

There's three people who claimed to be the sage, Danil, Sage, and Sofie. Danil says he saw a key, Sofie saw a lock, and Sage hasn't stepped forward at all. I have the keymaster card, so I know Danil is right, but something still feels wrong... Why won't Sage comment? If she wants to back up her claim, shouldn't she have said what card she saw?

Oh.

Right now, I'm seeing the worst outcome in my head. This is just an uncertain line of logic. An imperfect hole in the kidnappers' design. If all my guesses are correct, it's over. It's all over. Please... Let me be wrong.

"Sage..." I start. My bones feel stiff.

Her voice replies neutrally, "...Yes?"

"Please tell me... the results of your divination." I force the words out of my mouth. She doesn't reply. Despite the neutral expression she's trying to put on her face, I can almost feel her fear mingle with mine.

"Quit it, Leigh!" Danil interjects, a little too loud. "Talkin' to Sage now is just a waste of time!" I don't miss the hint of desperation in his voice. "Believe in me!" Trying to ignore his pleas, I continue to watch Sage. She remains silent, though her head is slightly tilted downwards now.

I try to meet her eyes, even though it makes me ache. "...You won't say, will you, Sage?" After a pause, I take a breath. "Because... you can't say?" She stares at the ground, not replying.

Confused and a bit hostile, Danil calls to me again. "What're you...!?"

"It says this in the rule book:" I begin to read, "The sage knows who the keymaster is via divination, but cannot lie about the results of the divination." I close the book and look at Danil. "All it says is they know who it is..." I turn back to Sage, who's looking at me with an unreadable expression. All of the pieces line up in my head. The sage can't lie about the results. They couldn't see any design. So Sage, who didn't say a design is the sage!

But... If that's it, then why? Why did Danil claim to be the sage? Despite my questions, I have to reveal what I know. I have to, for the sake of everyone else. 

"Sage, who won't mention a design... is the sage." As I finish my sentence, my chest aches. Did I condemn her? I needed to find the truth, it was necessary to prove myself and clear Danil from certain death, but... I just passed the death to another friend, didn't I?

Still staring into my eyes, Sage is silent. It feels like the entire group is holding their breaths, waiting. Just when I think she's not going to speak, she lets out a quiet, breathy laugh. There's a strained smile on her face, but it quickly falls as soon as the laugh ends. I see the sweat beading on her forehead, and her eyes start to water. The fear on her face is unmistakable. "My fate... has been set, then." As she speaks, there's no life in her voice anymore. The bright light she had always had inside her soul was extinguished... by me?

"Huh... so Sage was the sage," Mikey says, almost sounding uninterested. He smiles, "What a coincidence." When no one seems to appreciate his remark, he continues, "More importantly, we should listen to her last words, right?" He says it casually, like it's not her life on the line. It makes me feel sick.

Sage looks grave as she explains, "When everyone started talking about designs... I knew I was in danger. I thought I could play dumb, but I would get the most votes anyway, right?" A tear falls from her eyes and her voice shakes, "But... but... I..." She tries to blink the flood of tears away, but it's no use. "I don't want... to die..."

"Sage..." Charlie's voice rings through the room, quiet and unbelieving. She can't seem to force out any more words, but she starts crying too. It's not set in stone, right? We can still save her. Despite my own pleading thoughts, something in me is resigned. I know what's going to happen.

Sage clears her throat, wiping at her eyes. "The sacrifice... has got to be Danil." I stiffen. Danil? Why would it be him? Before I can get lost in my thoughts, Sage continues, "I'm positive. That's why he tried to make it seem like he was the sage. So, please..." Her voice turns desperate, "Please vote for Mikey! He's dangerous! He'll disrupt the group, he'll lead everyone into danger!" She's pleading with all of us, but some people still look at her, suspicious. "I... Yes, I had contact with the kidnappers! But I'll tell you everything if you let me live!" She's trying everything, trying to pile up reasons, trying to prove she's useful. "I have important information for our escape!"

Mikey, with forced nonchalance, just says, "See ya, Sage." She tries to glare at him, but she looks so small...

"G-guys..." Danil starts, and suddenly all of my thoughts are focused on him. His fingertips are trembling and the anxiety in his voice cuts me. "Don't be fooled..." He stares into my eyes and it takes everything in me to keep from bursting into tears or screaming. "I-I'm the sage."

I keep trying to ignore it, but the way he's talking makes it painfully clear. Sage is right, isn't she? Danil really could be the sacrifice. Ice runs through my veins and my bones completely lock up. I thought I could only feel this feeling in nightmares, the kind of fear that attacks your throat and chest, makes you feel like you're about to die, the kind where every single cell in your body is trying to run away. Terror fills every sense and I can't move, or speak, or breathe. The only thing I can do is stare into Danil's eyes and pray to every God, spirit, and ancestor out there for it to not be true. Please, anyone, tell me I'm wrong.

Anne's annoyed, cold voice speaks out, startling me. "It's time to vote. Stop your whisperings."

One last time, Sage pleaded with all of us, terrified, "Please... don't kill me!"

The voting tablet powered up, displaying icons for Danil, Sage, Sofie, Mikey, and I. On the screen was a pop-up, saying, "Please choose who to vote for." If I don't vote, I die. That thought was the only thing that enabled me to move my hand. If Danil is the... then maybe if I vote for him, we can leave together. That's what Anne said, right? The sacrifice can choose one person to leave with... Thoughts start eating me at the back of my head. If that happens, everyone will die. We would be murderers. Sage and Charlie, they would die too. Despite all of that, my hand still drifted to Danil's icon. Is Danil worth more to me than 10 people?

I vote Danil.

The screen displays more messages. "...All votes have been received. Displaying results.." Slashes start to appear over Danil's icon. One. Two. Three. I watch as Mikey is next, with another three slashes. I hold my breath as Sage's icon gets slashes. I count, praying that it stops at three. Four. Five. Six. I see my own hands start to shake, but I can't feel them. I can't feel anything except the tightness in my chest. I can't bring myself to look at Danil yet. I glance at Sage, and her face is dark. She's turned away, so I can't tell what she's doing or thinking. She's probably cursing our names. She should be.

The silence is agonizing, but as soon as Mikey speaks up, I want it back. "Sorry." His tone is unreadable, I can't tell if he's genuine or taunting us again. Everything about him makes me want to scream.

"I understand. Since you could still be the sacrifice, choosing you is risky..." She sounds resigned. The feeling of dread keeps growing.

"It's more than that," Mikey says, not quite looking at anyone. "If you picked me with emotion, that would be your will. But everyone chose with logic, right?" When he finishes his explanation, he shuts his mouth. If I could move, I would punch him.

Flora starts profusely apologizing, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" So she voted for Sage. I wish I had the capability to understand. Instead, I hate her. It's not her fault, I know that. But my friends are going to die, and it's all of our faults. My friends are going to die.

Anne's groan makes everyone jump. "Just stand still as I check your answers." She looks around, completely unfeeling, and my anger rises. "First, the sage. You were right for once. It was Sage Cameron." Sage turns her head and I see she's still crying. Her body trembles. Without caring, Anne continues, "Next, the keymaster. The battle between you two was pointless and infuriating, but at least I was entertained. It was Leigh Carter."

Her passive-aggresive voice is grating on my ears, and I want to scream. All I can do is whisper, "No..." I want this to end. I don't want to know the sacrifice, I don't want to see anyone die, I don't want any of this. "Stop it..."

"And the sacrifice. The one who dies as a failure is..."

"Please!" I beg. I can't handle it, I'm not ready.

"Yes, it was Danil Bayot." 

I painfully move my eyes to Danil. It feels like a weight is on my chest. He tries to keep his face neutral, but he's trembling and his breathing is shaky. He meets my eyes and forces a smile, trying to make it as genuine as possible. It stabs my heart more. He starts to laugh awkwardly. 

"Well... what to say..." There's a long pause and he lets out a deep breath. I want to go to him, to hold him and grab his hand and run away. My feet stay firmly planted. "Guys..." He starts, "Sorry... for tricking you."

Charlie, momentarily jolted from her own terrified state, yells, "D-dumbass! Why are you sorry?!" She sobs, "You... because of us, you..." She tries to push through the words, though her voice is breaking every syllable. "Don't you feel angry?!"

Still trying to be casual, Danil replies, "I dunno... I just dunno..." Sighing, he looks around. "I mean, I just can't see you as bad guys..." No one can meet his eyes. He looks at me again, calling to me, "Leigh..." This isn't real, it's just... "Sorry... I even tricked you." He's smiling at me. Jesus Christ, he's still smiling at me.

"Danil... Stop it...! I don't believe it, I..." I don't know how to say it, I can't think anymore, please...

"It's you, right? You voted for me..."

"I..."

"I thought, if I could escape with you..." He stops, tilting his head. "...I tried real hard" I didn't realize I had started crying until a sob ripped its way out of my throat. He flinched at the sound, but he continued smiling. "All of you guys... are my friends." He looks away from me for a moment to look in everyone's eyes, especially Charlie and Sage. I catch their eyes too and we all have tears streaming down our faces. They are just as lost as me. We're losing him, and there's nothing we can do. "So... work together and do your best!" He's the only one not crying. In the face of certain death, he's smiling. Whether it's for our sake or in defiance, I don't know.

Danil continues, "Last... there's somethin' I wanna say." He's finally looking at me again, and I never want him to look away. "Sure enough... it's hard for me to say this to another guy, huh?" Taking a deep breath, he says, "I love you, Leigh." My heart completely stops and I almost collapse into myself, the sobs racking my body. "You know what I mean." I nod, covering my mouth with my hand. It hurts. It's not a relief, it doesn't feel good to finally know how he feels, it fucking hurts to love him. It's far too late for it to mean anything anymore.

"It's over already." Anne interrupts and scoffs. "Sage Cameron, chosen by vote, will be the main event. Whereas you're the opening act. Hurry up and die."

"Wait-! Wait, Anne..." I try to stop her, desperate and pleading. Danil closes his eyes.

Unfeeling and cruel, she ignores me. "Come, Wrigglers!" I try to speak, but nonsense noises come out. Save him, please, God. I can't lose him, I can't lose that stupid smile of his, I can't lose his teasing and his rude remarks, I can't lose Danil. Anyone but him. "Suck all the blood from Danil Bayot!" Anne carries on.

The wrigglers plunge into Danil's skin and his eyes pop open. He groans, already in pain. Before I realize it, I scream. The ends on the wrigglers' "mouths" dig into his skin, blood pooling around the bodies. Their bodies get tight as they start to suck. 

Sobbing, I cry desperately, "Please! Anne! Stop this!" I fall on my knees at her feet. My brain is delirious. "I'll do anything! I'll die in his place! So... so...!" My breathing stutters, I can't fill my lungs fast enough, my vision is completely blurred. "Save Danil! Please, help him!"

Annoyed, Anne replies, "You never shut up, do you?" She groans. "Fine! I'll give you a chance." She pulls out a cylinder with a button on the top. "This button will slow the device connected to Danil Bayot. Just keep pressing it. The device will be slowed the more you press, and maybe even stop, huh?"

"Give me that!" I yank it out of her hand, breathing heavily.

"Keep mashing that button. Maybe you'll save him?" All I focus on is Danil's heaving body as he takes panting breaths. He clutches the bodies of some of the wrigglers to hold himself up. He doesn't look at me, I don't know if he can. Blood is already staining his clothes and the sight of it makes me spring into action. I furiously press the button, the only sound my brain is registering is the clicks and my heartbeat in my ears. More blood starts seeping through his clothes, covering his side. It's going to stop, it has to, I can save him. I'm able to save him, that's what she said, I just have to press it. The blood is coming fast now, covering his shoulder and thigh. My finger starts going numb from how hard and fast I'm pressing the button. His head drops forward more and the blood is dripping, My pace slows and I start trying to hit it harder. I have to be faster, please, I have to save him. 

His hand falls from its grasp on a wriggler. As I keep pressing, his entire body goes limp. I wait for a sign of life, but his head stays down and I hear clicks.

"Danil..." I can't stop pressing. "Please... respond..." My throat is ravaged, my thumb is completely numb. "Open your eyes... The mystery gang... we're your family..." I can't look away from him, I keep expecting him to open his eyes and laugh at me for crying. Tell me it was just a joke. "You need to come home with us, don't you?" Please, tease me again. It's a cruel joke, but I would take it over this being real. Tell me you love me again. Please. "Let's go... back to college... with Charlie and Sage..."

clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

I didn't say it back. I realize this as all of the energy flows out of me. I didn't tell him I love him. I was always too scared, I never showed him what he meant to me. Sometimes he was the only person to make me smile. He was the biggest reason to live when I had my worst days. For every time I joked that I hated him, I never explained how much he changed me.

clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

He got over his fear, he told me he loved me.

clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

I didn't say it back.

clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

He died without knowing that I love him back.

clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick  
clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick  
clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

Charlie puts her hand over mine. "Just stop, Leigh..." Her voice is quiet and shaky, but her grasp is firm. "It's enough..." As she helps me stand, I sob. My sobs are loud, almost screams.

The angry huff that fills my ears makes me want to vomit. "How ugly you are when you cry," Anne comments. She grasps my chin, holding my face up to hers. My tears fall on her gloved hand. "You were so close. It might've stopped with just a little more. What a failure." Her taunting is harsh and cruel. I openly cry in her face.

"Y... You're horrible... As if you ever intended to... let me save him..." I can barely get the words out. I'm so tired. It's so much effort to even breathe.

"It's nothing to cry about. Your hard work let Danil Bayot live just a bit longer." Her irritation eases for a second, replaced with a smug expression. "With each button press of yours, Danil suffered longer."

I can't reply. It's my fault. From walking home with him, to my deductions, to my clicks, it all damned him. Every moment he spent with me was leading to this. I was a plague that infected his peaceful life, and I killed him. I killed him.

"Ugh, how boring. Have you been broken?" She lets me go and my head falls to my chest. "Fine. I have no time to spare for you." As she turns, she says, "For Sage Cameron, you are the main event."

"Sadly, I won't let you do what you want." I look over to her at the same time that Anne does. Sage stands with a defiant expression, holding her wrists in the air. They're bloody. "I will be in charge of... my own death." She had slit her own wrists.

Stunned and angry, Anne replies, "Y-you! What selfishness!" She connects the dots. "The knife from the kitchen?! As if I'll allow you suicide..."

As Anne goes to pull something out, Charlie grabs her from behind. Despite her size, the anger seemed to fuel her strength, as she held on firmly. Despite the tense situation going on, my eyes glaze over. I can't get the image of Danil's limp body out of my head.

"Dammit- Get off! You idiot!" Anne yells, frustrated and annoyed. His body's right behind me.

"Fuck no! I wouldn't let you go if you killed me!" Charlie replies. If I focus, I can smell the blood.

Straining, Anne says, "Dammit! I can't... activate the device..." How am I supposed to do anything without him?

"...Leigh, can you hear me?" Sage is talking to me. I want to reply, but I can't stop thinking about Danil. Why isn't he next to me? Why couldn't it be me? "Listen to me!" Sage yells. "Leigh!" I startle, looking at her. "This is... resistance." The passion in her eyes keeps me engaged. "Our lives are being toyed with for someone's pleasure... we can't even save one person..." She glances behind me before staring in my eyes, a hard look on her face. "As we die off... this is... my feeble... resistance." She tries catching her breath, but she's fading fast. How is she even still alive? "But it's one large step... toward counterattack!" She's so strong that it hurts. She's the one who brought me out of my shell. She's the one who led me to Danil. They're both leaving me, and I'm helpless to stop it.

Her face softens and she emphasizes her next words, "It's a step I was able to take... because you and Danil bought me time." A few tears fall down her face. "It's not... pointless." Another determined look crosses her face. "I entrust them to you! Our regrets! Our hopes!" She smiles at me before looking at Charlie. Both of them are crying, but they're both determined in their actions. She mouths "I love you so much" to Charlie, smiling both sadly and genuinely.

Charlie mouths "I love you more" back. Tears trail down my face as I watch them. I'm not ready to lose Sage either. I already lost the man I love. I killed him. Now I have to watch, helpless, as the girl who's like a sister to me dies. Who will drag me out of my own head? Who will check on me? Who will I go to for advice for every little anxiety that pops into my head? I never appreciated her enough, and now she's dying. I don't have enough time to make her understand how much she has meant to me. She's going to die without knowing, just like Danil did.

Sage finally looks back at me and mouths "I love you."

As I look in her eyes, I realize. She already understands.

I mouth it back, sobbing again.

"I.. am satisfied." With those words, she goes limp and crumbles to the ground.

"Sage... Sage!" Charlie yells, finally letting go of Anne to run to her fiancée. She grasps Sage's bloody hand and weeps. I walk to her, holding her in a hug. Neither of us are able to let go.

Somewhere, maybe they're together, Sage and Danil. Maybe they're waiting for us. Maybe they're cheering us on, telling us to be strong, to continue living in their place. 

Maybe Sara and Charlie will finally get their wedding once Charlie gets to wherever they are.

When I get there too, maybe Danil will tease me. "Took you long enough," he'll say. I'll hug him like I always wanted to. I'll finally tell him I love him. Maybe we'll finally be together, no dancing around it.

For now, Charlie is in my arms. She's the only one holding me here. We'll survive together until we can see them. 


End file.
